We Need to Calm Down
Taylor Swift and Barack Obama have a message that their fellow millennials and Boomers should heed: We need to calm down.
As President, Barack Obama spent a lot of time trying to convince us that we needed to calm down. Like any good therapist, his cool demeanor and calm speaking voice kept a lot of pots from boiling over. More recently, he told a group of young activists that they need to “get over” their sense of superiority and “wokeness,” and understand that the world is generally filled with good people trying to make it in the world, even if they disagree about certain things.
Taylor Swift’s recent hit is literally called “You Need to Calm Down.” As she says in the song, “you just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace and control your urges to scream about all the people you hate.” It seems fairly clear from the images in the video for the song that her message, like Obama’s, is that people being different isn’t the end of the world.
Swift’s songs generally convey power and confidence, without anger or resentment. “You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me; but we are never ever, ever, ever getting back together. Like, ever.” (Yes, it may be easy not to be resentful when you are a multi-platinum recording artist, but still.)
Neither Swift or Obama are Gen Xers, but their message reflects the sensibilities of that generation. If you grew up in the 1970s and early 80s, you learned two things. First, there were starving children in China that, for some reason, would feel better if you ate all of your food. Second, life is not fair; no one owes you anything, you need to figure it out.
No one told us we were special. We didn’t have travel sports with referees. We called our own lines and our own fouls. It worked, not because we were morally superior, but because we understood the companion concepts of deterrence and mutually assured destruction that forced cooperation. We knew that if we cheated, we were either going to get punched in the face, or the kid that brought the ball was going to leave with it and his friends, blowing up the game.
Gen X’s parents didn’t line our sidelines threatening referees on our behalf. For the most part, they didn’t attend our sporting events, or even drive us to them. Nor did they meet with our teachers, or check our grades. They were too busy working, having midlife crises, getting divorced, living their lives.
We were the latchkey kids. We had each other, and that was about it. We didn’t think anyone owed us anything, or cared much about what we had to say. But, that didn’t necessarily bother us. We didn’t scream and yell and break things (the punks did, but in a way that didn’t convey anger or resentment). We went to the mall and watched John Hughes movies. When we got older we abused ourselves, not others (the tipping point being 1987’s “Less than Zero”).
The U.S. is now largely controlled by two groups of 75 million people each that did not grow up with these sensibilities. They are big and loud and they are pushing opposite views of nearly everything, one feeling the Bern and the other promising to Make America Great Again. The volume coming from both sides is deafening.
For Gen Xers, it’s like mom and dad are fighting all over again. It’s like Kramer v. Kramer, only with 150 million moms and dads and 50 million kids. It is all very disorienting and distracting. I want to go to the mall and hang out with my friends, but the malls are all gone.
Soon we’ll all be living with mom. But, dad is trying to hold on; trying to make it all work, to come up with a plan that will keep him the head of the household for a little longer. To make the family great again.
In the meantime, I’m attending therapy in the form of Obama’s speeches and Swift’s songs; and trying my best to calm down. Join me, please.
